The Good Stuff

So, here’s the thing. Before I publish my posts, I read them through with the lens of pre-Henry, and I pretty much have become that person I think I would have despised. Seriously. So, to everyone out there that is trying to bring a baby into their lives, I am so sorry. I know it is so hard. I sincerely hope you will be able to complete your family, and just know that I am praying for you. I think this post might be the hardest one of all for you to read, so just stop now. Because today I am actually going to talk about the good stuff, the stuff that makes it all worth it.

This has also been the hardest post to write, the one where I’ve started several times, but just don’t know how to finish, because how do you put these things into words? So, here is my best attempt at describing the good stuff. 

Let’s start out with a nice sprightly tune, you might’ve heard it before, but it does a pretty dang good job at putting some of my feelings into words. It’s goes like this (thanks Carpenters):

Such a feeling's coming over me

There is wonder in most every thing I see

Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes

And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Everything I want the world to be

Is now coming true especially for me

And the reason is clear, it's because you are here

You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on top of the world looking down on creation

And the only explanation I can find

Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around

Your love's put me at the top of the world

Because you guys, having Henry here has put me on top of the world. It’s like there’s this new  brightness in my life that I didn’t even realize was missing.  For every hard thing, every rough day, every minute of sleep that is lost, there are one hundred things that make it all worth it. Like, when I turn to Henry and start to sing, and his face lights up, and he smiles, giggles if I am lucky, and looks at me like I’m the coolest thing he’s ever seen. Or when Brandon is giving Henry a bath, and I hide around the corner to listen to Henry giggle because Brandon has made up a new song, and I peek to see that Brandon is dancing, and clapping, and doing whatever to make that little guy happy. I just want to sit down and burn those things in my brain forever, because they are the epitome of happiness. It makes me love that man so much more to see him take his role of dad so seriously. 

Because I have never felt so many things like I feel now. I have never felt this much joy, happiness, and love. It’s like I’ve gotten a snapshot of how our Father in Heaven feels for us, and it’s so overwhelming, and pure, and I can’t believe I get to feel that too.

And it comes down to this-having Henry in our family has made me whole. Before he came, there was a void in my life that I tried to fill with all sorts of things. We bought a new car, we took lots of trips, we tried to buy a house, I bought lots and lots of clothes, but none of that brought me true joy. This kind of joy. Having Henry in our family, in our lives, has closed that void and has filled me with so much life and purpose, that I knew I wanted, but didn’t know I needed. He has helped me to see needs other than mine own. I am no longer playing the “me” game that I was so caught up in, and it is so refreshing. And I don’t feel like I am giving anything up, I don’t feel like I am missing out on what the world has to offer, because I feel like I now have  the world in front of me, and I'm seeing it like I never have before- there’s never been more possibilities and potential.

And I am sorry this has all just been a mess of words that I’ve tried to organize in a way to help articulate exactly what I’ve been feeling, and how my life has changed. Because although no one talks about the bad stuff all too often (as I have so politely pointed out in my last few posts), people don’t really talk about the good stuff either, and I think it’s because there are no words that can fit these feelings. So, I guess I will end with this visual that should round everything out nicely.

It’s 9:45 PM. Brandon got little H man asleep and he’s peacefully a snoozin’ in the pack in play that is conveniently located two feet from our bed. We quietly creep into our bedroom, tiptoeing to our sides of the bed (because if he woke up now one of us will either cry or swear). We pull back the covers at the same time to eliminate any extra rustling and carefully, oh so carefully, slide into bed. We pull the covers over our heads and huddle together to say our final goodnights and I love you’s. I turn to Brandon, smiling so much my cheeks hurt, and I tell him that I have never been happier in my entire life. 

And that’s the truth folks. I am so tired. And so worn down, but oh so happy. I am forever grateful for the blessing that I get to raise this perfect little human with the love of my life. And that, that is the good stuff.

A Colorado Wrap-Up

I have a confession or two. When we first moved to Denver we didn’t like it. We didn’t like the traffic, we didn’t like how big it was, we didn’t like how it was never sunny, and that it never got over 80 degrees. We didn’t like other things, those things being ages 6, 8, and 10 (but that’s a whole other story). We instantly missed Boise. But, Denver has treated us so well. Despite our efforts to be angry at it, we ended up liking it, and now I think we might even miss it when we leave this week. 

Another confession, I am not exactly sure why I have a blog. I am pretty sure that I am the only person that cares about my fun weekend, my husbands rockin’ birthday, and my almost garden. But, I have also never been this good at blogging, so I deserve a big pat on the back (I’m all about extrinsic motivation here). So to those who do peruse the pages of my mindless wanderings and hopefully glean some sort of something, here you go, the end of our Denver adventure written just for you (cough Tenille cough).

Firstly, for those of you who do know me well you know that I love a good birthday. I am 100% convinced that birthday’s are to be celebrated and are to be recognized. Birthdays are that one day a year that is your day. Seriously your day. So it should go your way, and just be out of this world. As I have grown older I have realized that very few people over the age of 10 feel this way. Which deeply saddens me. But don’t think I let that get in the way when I come across a good birthday. Especially when it’s my cute husbands. Even though it was just me, I celebrated the heck out of his day. And he deserved it. And he loved it. And all in all, I am so excited that this boy was born because if not my life would be bleak and just not as great as it is. So, even though this monumental event occurred on the 26^th it needs to be recognized, like all good birthdays do.

Secondly, we knew that if we moved to Denver we had to go to Rocky Mountain National Park. So we did. And I would have kicked myself forever if we had forgone that opportunity because it was B-E-A-utiful! If you haven’t gone there, go. Simple as that. Just take my advice, but be warned because you are a good two miles over sea level, which does take your breath away in more way than one.

Lastly, I know that everyone is dying to see the results of my feeble garden, the one that I’ve been plotting since last summer. The one that I knew would be great and produce, and solve my bland tomato problems. Well, it didn’t. In fact, I gave my tomato plant away yesterday because it seemed too impractical to bring it back to Boise. And it had 8 little tomatoes that were just taking form. Tomatoes  I’ll never get to see, or eat. Out of everything that makes me sad about leaving this place, this is number one. Second it to see Rubio’s go (we are a food centered people). I cared for those plants everyday and spent countless hours watching them grow. It breaks my heart to leave them in untrusted hands, but I couldn’t just let them die, you know? Again, these are just plants, not kids, as Brandon has had to remind me several times. And I do realize that not everyone made it. Thanks to my over pruning and care one little plant couldn't take the pressure and simply gave up. Again, as Brandon has said, they're plants, not children. 

And that’s how it ends. That’s the big wrap up. And off to bigger and better things we go. Wish us luck!

This month of May.

I have this silly whiteboard calendar that I use to gauge all of the most important things in life with. One of those most important things is what we are going to have for dinner. Another important thing is any big life-changing event. I get super giddy when I can erase the former months activities and start on a new month. It makes that said months big events seem much more tangible and closer, like they are pretty much going to happen any day. May felt like this. Right when I could write May at the top of the board I just knew that this month would zoom on by. And it has. In a good way, I think. For example, one event on my infamous whiteboard calendar was our move to Denver, Colorado. And although it did seem like a ways a way when I scribbled it in, it came all of the sudden.

Denver seems like a dandy place. It's supposedly known for its outdoorsy-ness (even though all I can really see are freeways). It boasts of being awfully close to the Rockies, which is an impressive sight. If you happen to have any knowledge of the Denver area we'd love to hear it. Especially if it includes, but is not limited to the following: local eating joints, good bike trails, even better hiking trails, and really breathtaking weekend/day trips. Brandon and I are determined to enjoy this summer in its fullest.

My whiteboard calendar also includes the 3rd year anniversary of our marriage. And folks, today is that day. This very day, three years ago Brandon and I sealed the deal. And I am ever so grateful for that each and every day. Brandon is truly my better half. I am so in love with him and each day that love grows even more. Although I am not quite sure how that happens, it does, and it is truly wonderful.

And although I feel like this is a monumental day (because it is), that everyone should stop and pay some recognition to it, that there should probably be some fireworks to celebrate its greatness, and at the very least Brandon should have the day off so we can frolic around this new city, it is not. Instead I am home thinking about the love of my life and how it's pretty much a crime that he has to work and we can't spend every single moment of it together. Sigh. I guess it's moments like these that help that love grow even more each day.

So here's to three perfect years of grand marriage. And getting to be with my forever, forever.

Wishing you the very best for the rest of your May.

some random musings instead of doing productive things.

Saturday while working diligently at GH (aka Great Harvest) I got a piece of lettuce in my left eye. Yes, a legitimate piece of lettuce, albeit rather small. And it stung quite bad. And I think the other girls I was working with thought I had gone slightly crazy, because they couldn't decipher how a piece of lettuce would end up in my eye.

Today I found myself getting super frustrated at work. I think I almost made a child cry when I demanded if he wanted his free slice of bread. I used my extra high Great Harvest voice-the voice that sounds nice and friendly but is really underlying with Cruella de Vil evilness. He didn't stay in the store for that long. Especially since he was close the the trashcan that I gently kicked out of my way but really skirted 4 feet across the floor. I wonder if he will return for a second free slice. 

Draw Something and Scramble with Friends totally stress me out. I can never keep up on my games. Last night I finally caught up and now I am behind again. I just want some closure. The struggle is I enjoy them. I just sort of fail at them.

I rode my bike to work today. It was a great decision until the sky turned all gray and it started to smell like rain. Good thing Brandon followed me all the way home just in case I needed to be rescued from a very unwelcome rainstorm.

By the way, did you even know that we got ridiculously legitimate bikes a few weeks ago? I bet not. Brandon and I love our new bikes. All graduation funds went to support this endeavor. Thank you contributors who unknowingly supported our healthy lifestyle change.

Look at those beauties.

I am patiently waiting for Brandon to return home. Since we both worked and Brandon had a meeting tonight I haven't really been able to see him. Good thing I have a plethora of photographs that I can look at that help me not miss him quite as much. But, I hope he returns home soon.

Just one of many cute photos I have of brandon.

I better end my musings for the night. I know you're probably still wondering how that piece of lettuce got in my eye, but it will do you some good to ponder about it. Ha, have a wonderful evening!

Brag sesh.

I have like the most amazing husband ever.

I mean, just look at that face.

He lets me take more pictures of him than is probably acceptable. But, he still smiles. 

Last night we jammed to Carly Rae Jeppson, call me maybe, on repeat. And he let me be 12 again as I danced around our apartment using my fist as a microphone.

And then we played sequence and he let me win. Twice.

And now I am waiting for him to come home and cuddle me.

See what I mean? 

Pure awesomeness.

Have a most wonderful Friday.