Kind of a mess of a post about being a teacher.

I have wanted to talk about my new profession as a 6^th grade reading and writing teacher for quite a while now. But blogging kind of falls towards the bottom of my priority list. In fact, I am still fishing things out of unpacked boxes from when we moved back in August. Also, I haven’t touched a vacuum, toilet scrub brush, or any cleaning equipment since I moved back. Awesome right? I can count on two hands (almost) the number of home cooked meals we’ve had that I‘ve made, and on another hand how many times I’ve done the laundry. So the fact that I’m even writing this feels like cheating, but here I go anyways. Since I infected Brandon with who knows what from that school of mine our bedtime was unusually early for a Friday night, which brought me here because as much as I want to, 9:30 is just too early for me.

I have had such mixed feelings about teaching that I can’t quite seem to put them down. And I suppose the round about objective of this post is to send a colossal thank you to all those noble teachers I’ve had, because I’m starting to get it. Because now I can see behind the scenes and along with everything else I feel, I feel bad for the grief I caused those poor souls.

Because here’s the thing, some, no most days I absolutely love my job. I adore the young people I work with. I come away feeling that I just did something really great and gallant and that I am achieving my life long goal of making some kind of difference somewhere. Those days make it worth it. Those are the days that I went into this profession for. Those are the days that I thought I’d have everyday. (Insert hysterical laughing here).

Then some days I want to throw in the towel. I sit myself down in my old, peeling, green wheelie chair, the one with the broken armrest, and have a good pity party that every now and then involves a tear or two, because after everything I’ve done, it still wasn’t enough.  After the 3 hours spent after school and 3 hours spent at home, and the worrying and planning and just the utter consuming-ness, it flopped.

And I realize I can’t get that involved. I need some separation. But this is my life right now. I feel so burdened and responsible for these children and I care so much. I worry constantly, thinking of ways I can make it better for them. Ways I can help them be better. And I know that’s not my job, but whose job is it? Someone has to do it. So I assume that duty because that’s what’s right and good.

So when my 14-hour day goes unnoticed and I feel like I’m a zookeeper, rather than a teacher, I just have a hard time bringing myself up again and going again. Enduring another day.

But when I see a good thing I said or did sink into their minds and grow into something worthy and right, something that they are proud of, I feel like I’ve won more than I’ve ever lost. When they say they finally get it, that is makes sense, I want to scream and shout, and let it all out. It makes me so proud to be their teacher, and so, so proud of them.

I suppose it’s those moments that make up for it all. It’s those moments, sometimes small and unnoticed, that balance out the amount of time and effort I’ve dedicated to this cause. It’s those moments that pushed my own teachers to endure one more day, because they saw the bigger picture and the importance of it all. So, as you ponder on the person you’ve become, please don’t forget the teachers. I'm sure, at least once, they helped you become YOU, which is kind of a big deal.

babysitting to the extreme.

This past week was quite the adventure. I can honestly say that I don't think I've been more out of my element, ever. This is entirely because I started changing hundreds of lives by becoming a highly skilled and pretty affordable full-time babysitter (also known as a substitute in most cases). And holy cow is that stressful!

For example, on Monday I took on a job of 5 kindergarten art classes. Having 24 of those little bodies in one place at one time and then be expected to teach them something should be illegal! Don't get me wrong, we had a blast drawing abstract art, and listening to all of the interesting facts about their lives. One girl informed me that just last week she broke her arm and her foot, but thankfully she made a full and quick recovery. I also had a battle with the bathroom. I couldn't help but laugh when one girl said she really really really really really needed to use the restroom, but came back minutes later realizing that she actually never really had to.

Then don't get me started on the 5th graders who were convinced I was a high school student. I wanted to have a heart-to-heart and explain to them that a high school student, just like them, would still be in class, and also would never be permitted to teach them. Instead, I took it with class and a giggle and let them know that being short is really a cool thing and has quite the adventages, albeit in disguise sometimes.

But the week was utterly exhausting, it didn't help that I caught some sort of bug that pretty much dominated me. Every day felt like the first day on the job. Every school a new place, every student a new face, and all different rules and procedures in each case. (see what I did there? nifty, huh?)

But, I am grateful for the opportunity to experience this little adventure. I feel like I've learned more than I ever expected I would and that I have been tested in a new and almost unfair way. I've had to be out of my zone, which I really detest, and on my toes at all times. But, the smiles, the fact that they want to sit and chat, and that they think I am nice, and that they trust me makes it all worth it. And in the end, I really do hope that I make a difference in these little kids lives. I might only see them once, but I hope that something I do or say helps them become better in some way. Even though I often feel like a belittled and slightly insignificant babysitter, I do realize my job is important and for that reason I plan to do a dang good job at it. So here's to trying new things, learning new things, and making that difference, even it at times it seems almost nonexistent.

some random musings instead of doing productive things.

Saturday while working diligently at GH (aka Great Harvest) I got a piece of lettuce in my left eye. Yes, a legitimate piece of lettuce, albeit rather small. And it stung quite bad. And I think the other girls I was working with thought I had gone slightly crazy, because they couldn't decipher how a piece of lettuce would end up in my eye.

Today I found myself getting super frustrated at work. I think I almost made a child cry when I demanded if he wanted his free slice of bread. I used my extra high Great Harvest voice-the voice that sounds nice and friendly but is really underlying with Cruella de Vil evilness. He didn't stay in the store for that long. Especially since he was close the the trashcan that I gently kicked out of my way but really skirted 4 feet across the floor. I wonder if he will return for a second free slice. 

Draw Something and Scramble with Friends totally stress me out. I can never keep up on my games. Last night I finally caught up and now I am behind again. I just want some closure. The struggle is I enjoy them. I just sort of fail at them.

I rode my bike to work today. It was a great decision until the sky turned all gray and it started to smell like rain. Good thing Brandon followed me all the way home just in case I needed to be rescued from a very unwelcome rainstorm.

By the way, did you even know that we got ridiculously legitimate bikes a few weeks ago? I bet not. Brandon and I love our new bikes. All graduation funds went to support this endeavor. Thank you contributors who unknowingly supported our healthy lifestyle change.

Look at those beauties.

I am patiently waiting for Brandon to return home. Since we both worked and Brandon had a meeting tonight I haven't really been able to see him. Good thing I have a plethora of photographs that I can look at that help me not miss him quite as much. But, I hope he returns home soon.

Just one of many cute photos I have of brandon.

I better end my musings for the night. I know you're probably still wondering how that piece of lettuce got in my eye, but it will do you some good to ponder about it. Ha, have a wonderful evening!

monday and more.

Let's start with the more. 

We just got back from Arizona. We had such a wonderful time. So so so nice. We feel like we were robbed. It was too short. But we had some fun experiences: eating at yummy places, fulfilling my chipotle cravings, cutting off ten inches of hair, going to engagement parties, watching seth and brandon tear it up at bowling, getting wicked hiking sunburns, swimming in sand entry pools (which are so incredibly cool), going to the temple, and spending some great time with the fam. 

Check out that good looking bunch of individuals. If only ryan and brittany were there.

And after having a weekend like that, Monday is like a terrible curse word.

This morning was a rough one. Mostly because it started with laundry and the realization that our goal to eat healthy was being reinforced, oh and our goal at exercising. Brandon and I are both cursing our running shoes right about now.

And I returned to the jolly ol' Great Harvest. I had a very warm welcome. I am sure I will have a few stories to share about my time there. Dealing with the great public population always adds some excitement to my life, especially when free slices of bread of involved. 

But overall the more was more exciting than the Monday, hopefully this glorious start of the week treated you slightly more kindly.