The Good Stuff

So, here’s the thing. Before I publish my posts, I read them through with the lens of pre-Henry, and I pretty much have become that person I think I would have despised. Seriously. So, to everyone out there that is trying to bring a baby into their lives, I am so sorry. I know it is so hard. I sincerely hope you will be able to complete your family, and just know that I am praying for you. I think this post might be the hardest one of all for you to read, so just stop now. Because today I am actually going to talk about the good stuff, the stuff that makes it all worth it.

This has also been the hardest post to write, the one where I’ve started several times, but just don’t know how to finish, because how do you put these things into words? So, here is my best attempt at describing the good stuff. 

Let’s start out with a nice sprightly tune, you might’ve heard it before, but it does a pretty dang good job at putting some of my feelings into words. It’s goes like this (thanks Carpenters):

Such a feeling's coming over me

There is wonder in most every thing I see

Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes

And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Everything I want the world to be

Is now coming true especially for me

And the reason is clear, it's because you are here

You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on top of the world looking down on creation

And the only explanation I can find

Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around

Your love's put me at the top of the world

Because you guys, having Henry here has put me on top of the world. It’s like there’s this new  brightness in my life that I didn’t even realize was missing.  For every hard thing, every rough day, every minute of sleep that is lost, there are one hundred things that make it all worth it. Like, when I turn to Henry and start to sing, and his face lights up, and he smiles, giggles if I am lucky, and looks at me like I’m the coolest thing he’s ever seen. Or when Brandon is giving Henry a bath, and I hide around the corner to listen to Henry giggle because Brandon has made up a new song, and I peek to see that Brandon is dancing, and clapping, and doing whatever to make that little guy happy. I just want to sit down and burn those things in my brain forever, because they are the epitome of happiness. It makes me love that man so much more to see him take his role of dad so seriously. 

Because I have never felt so many things like I feel now. I have never felt this much joy, happiness, and love. It’s like I’ve gotten a snapshot of how our Father in Heaven feels for us, and it’s so overwhelming, and pure, and I can’t believe I get to feel that too.

And it comes down to this-having Henry in our family has made me whole. Before he came, there was a void in my life that I tried to fill with all sorts of things. We bought a new car, we took lots of trips, we tried to buy a house, I bought lots and lots of clothes, but none of that brought me true joy. This kind of joy. Having Henry in our family, in our lives, has closed that void and has filled me with so much life and purpose, that I knew I wanted, but didn’t know I needed. He has helped me to see needs other than mine own. I am no longer playing the “me” game that I was so caught up in, and it is so refreshing. And I don’t feel like I am giving anything up, I don’t feel like I am missing out on what the world has to offer, because I feel like I now have  the world in front of me, and I'm seeing it like I never have before- there’s never been more possibilities and potential.

And I am sorry this has all just been a mess of words that I’ve tried to organize in a way to help articulate exactly what I’ve been feeling, and how my life has changed. Because although no one talks about the bad stuff all too often (as I have so politely pointed out in my last few posts), people don’t really talk about the good stuff either, and I think it’s because there are no words that can fit these feelings. So, I guess I will end with this visual that should round everything out nicely.

It’s 9:45 PM. Brandon got little H man asleep and he’s peacefully a snoozin’ in the pack in play that is conveniently located two feet from our bed. We quietly creep into our bedroom, tiptoeing to our sides of the bed (because if he woke up now one of us will either cry or swear). We pull back the covers at the same time to eliminate any extra rustling and carefully, oh so carefully, slide into bed. We pull the covers over our heads and huddle together to say our final goodnights and I love you’s. I turn to Brandon, smiling so much my cheeks hurt, and I tell him that I have never been happier in my entire life. 

And that’s the truth folks. I am so tired. And so worn down, but oh so happy. I am forever grateful for the blessing that I get to raise this perfect little human with the love of my life. And that, that is the good stuff.

I am calling all of you out.

I have a bone to pick with every person out there that has had a baby and knows me. Yes, every single one of you. WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME IT WAS GOING TO BE THIS HARD? WHY? WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME? It was an out of the frying pan and into the fire like feeling. Everyone told me how rewarding it was going to be, and how the love I would feel would overtake me and turn me all mushy and soft, but the other stuff was kept all hush hush.  

Like, how I would be paranoid and worried. All. Of. The. Time. That I would be taking pictures of baby poop so I could analyze it later and compare it to other baby poop. Diarrhea or not? And if it is diarrhea, what do I do? Do I call the pediatrician? Do I just storm into the doctor’s office demanding answers and antibiotics? Was it something I ate? Do I eliminate dairy? Or worse, chocolate?   

Or nursing. Don’t get me started. It’s beautiful, it’s natural, it’s the best thing for your baby, yada, yada, yada. The truth-it is hard. At least for me. I cannot even start to tell you the number of Internet searches I’ve conducted that revolve around nursing.

Then there’s the sleep. Oh precious precious sleep. Henry was a good sleeper. He was the sleeper that dreams are made of. We boasted of the seven plus straight hours we were getting at night when he was just a wee babe. Yes, all past tense. And let me let you in on a little secret, SLEEP IS IMPORTANT.

Those things are just the tip of the iceberg.

And the thing is, it’s not like I didn’t prepare. I prepared the heck out of this. I read books, blogs, and the five different baby apps on my phone. I researched every last item that was on my registry, making sure I had only the best. I made dozens of freezer meals and had the pantry stocked with high in protein foods to give me the instant energy I would need during the day (because that’s what all the blogs said, duh). I had hand sanitizers placed strategically around the house, because by golly this baby was not going to get sick ever. But, my socks were still knocked off.

And I am not whining, I promise. (Why does it always sound like I’m whining?) Remember when I talked about the struggle it was to bring little Henry to our family? And how in the end I knew that it was the right time, because waiting for him taught me all sorts of lessons that I am oh so glad I learned? Let me tell you the real reason why he joined our family later. Three years ago I probably could not have hacked this motherhood business. I had to be primed, polished, and want it so so bad, because otherwise I think I legitimately would not have been able to handle it. So to get through those hard days, I think back to when all I wanted was a baby, and how I prayed for a baby, and pinned all sorts of baby stuff to my secret Pinterest baby board, and planned out how we would announce our pregnancy, and decorate a nursery. Those feelings are still raw and real, which I am so grateful for, because it helps me appreciate everything, even the really hard things.

And so what’s the lesson here? Don’t lie to mothers to be? Possibly. Or, babies are hard but oh so worth it? Maybe. I am not even sure. But, I can say this, I don’t think I have ever been more terrified, exhausted, or happier in my entire life, which I guess really sums up what this motherhood business is all about. Until next time (and I’m not going to say when this “next time” will be, because that backfired last time ;)). Oh, and since Henry’s four month pictures are just so adorable, here you go. But let me be clear, these do not accurately represent what life is like in our home. My life is not all white sheets and perfect smiles; see the video for proof of that.

One Heck of a Party

Hellllo out there. I have re-entered the personal blogging scene solely to document one heck of a party.
Right now I am exactly seven months and 3 weeks with child, which equals 35 weeks, which is kind of a big deal (at least to me). Around this time of baby growing, if you're lucky a good friend will throw a bash to celebrate the future arrival of your lil' peanut. And my older, wiser, and much cooler sister, Tenille, did just that. The walls of Facebook erupted with praise when the first pictures of this epic event were posted, because it was just that, epic. It's being described as "Pinterest-worthy", "Intense", "Very cute", "Perfect!" and "Beautiful". Serious. All direct quotes there. Although I personally wasn't able to take any photos, I've rounded up some of the best shots from the party, so you can see the evidence for yourself, and I am sure you will agree that it fits all of the previous praise it received. Enjoy!

My mom and sister made these delectable bath bombs for party favors, and they are awesome. 

My mom did all of the flower arranging. She has mad skills. 

Every single one of those desserts were to die for. Like, for real.

I promise there were more than five of us, but I'd hate to post a picture of someone who didn't want it posted, especially since most of the shots I have are pretty candid and mostly of people eating... ;)

See what I mean. It was just the best combination of succulents, arrows, foxes, flowers, and teepees around. So, thanks Tenille for making it a day to remember. Above all, I just so appreciate everyone who helped welcome baby Smith-he is already so loved. The support and love that was shown really just means the world to Brandon and myself-so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

A grand time in Winter Park.

When we moved to Colorado we became instantly more popular. All of the sudden a lot of people wanted to come visit us, I guess Boise, Idaho never really sounded all that cool. Of course we are never ones to turn away a good visitor. So we were very pleased when my dear sister, Tenille, and her husband, Ben decided to come be apart of our Colorado journey. I think they were pretty excited to come north a little bit, considering that that particular weekend was supposed to reach 118 in Arizona, which should be illegal.

Before they had journeyed our way they did some serious research as to what activities to participate in in this part of the country, and I think right when Ben stumbled along Trestle Bike Park in Winter Park, Colorado he was entirely sold. This place is a mountain biker's heaven. Seriously. You take a lift up the mountain and then you ride down. And repeat. And yes, that kind of takes the workout of the mountain biking experience, but since Tenille and I took the lift up, then hiked down, I can't really say much, since that is just about the same thing :)

While the boys frolicked around the mountain Tenille and I signed up for the "Adventure Pass" that included all sorts of adventurous things such as: a rock wall, a trampoline thing, a bounce house (shaped as a snow cat), a maze (that I could almost see over), an alpine slide, and lots of other things that the kids 8 and under were super excited about. And we used that adventure pass to the fullest, well almost. Since Tenille is expecting a little one in August she watched me and all of the other little adventurers have a grand time. But, she told me not to worry, because I fit in just fine.

You can obviously see that the boys tore it up. They looked so intense in all of their gear and when Brandon did that stare off into the distance face I felt like I was witnessing a real life professional. Which he pretty much is :) 

We loved having our family up here and loved that we could explore with them and hope that more people follow in their footsteps, hint hint :)

a little decorating and a lot of photos.

My craftiness has reached extreme limits these last few weeks. Like, my life revolves around Hobby Lobby coupons and Pinterest craft boards. And let me tell you, both of those categories are dangerous. Very dangerous. But, this crafting obsession of mine usually takes over when we move into a new apartment. New walls need decorating and rearranging needs to be completed. The major project I embarked on this time around was my gallery wall. We had one in our last apartment but it was borderline pathetic. I mean, I liked it but it lacked some necessary photo gallery necessities. I've looked at tons of tons of examples and have read lots of tutorials, and have spent more time than is probably advisable designing and creating it. . And now, it is done. Yay! There are a few things I would change next time around and some things that I especially enjoy, but mostly I love the bright new colors and all of the fun family photos. Now, I am going to flood with you more pictures than you would probably ever like to see, but I am just so dang excited about it :)

Ta da!

The planning process..

Lots of spray painting was involved, obviously the orange didn't quite make the cut..

A very necessary side view..

This one took a little more thought, but I found the idea here and couldn't resist!

These little guys were a steal of a deal at Hobby Lobby and I quite enjoy them.

I love that circle frame and that big S.

I really like this. I got the idea from Pinterest and it just seemed so fitting for our lives and our photo wall and just a nice little reminder.

I couldn't resist adding this little gem in here.

I think this photo is so classic. Brittany's facial expression and Fallon looking so uncomfortable and Seth looking so so so awkward.

Now, a lot of the pictures are crooked, and the colors don't totally match, and I really need something underneath the photos like a side table or something, or the photos need to go to the bottom...really there's more than one problem. But, I like it. A lot. It's so fun to have all of these to look at and reminiscence. Ahh, crafting is really a good thing.

monday and more.

Let's start with the more. 

We just got back from Arizona. We had such a wonderful time. So so so nice. We feel like we were robbed. It was too short. But we had some fun experiences: eating at yummy places, fulfilling my chipotle cravings, cutting off ten inches of hair, going to engagement parties, watching seth and brandon tear it up at bowling, getting wicked hiking sunburns, swimming in sand entry pools (which are so incredibly cool), going to the temple, and spending some great time with the fam. 

Check out that good looking bunch of individuals. If only ryan and brittany were there.

And after having a weekend like that, Monday is like a terrible curse word.

This morning was a rough one. Mostly because it started with laundry and the realization that our goal to eat healthy was being reinforced, oh and our goal at exercising. Brandon and I are both cursing our running shoes right about now.

And I returned to the jolly ol' Great Harvest. I had a very warm welcome. I am sure I will have a few stories to share about my time there. Dealing with the great public population always adds some excitement to my life, especially when free slices of bread of involved. 

But overall the more was more exciting than the Monday, hopefully this glorious start of the week treated you slightly more kindly.

A little bit of success.

That's right. I graduated. It's over. It's a very bittersweet experience. I happen to thoroughly enjoy school. I like making friends and learning new things. I like backpacks and school events. I like feeling apart of something. And now that something is gone. See, it's a sad thing. But, I don't like homework, tests, writing essays, driving to Rexburg everyday, walking around campus in the snow, ridiculously heavy textbooks, staying up late to finish homework, doing homework on the weekends, and a few other things. So, it kind of balances out. But thankfully I am going into education so I will get to experience school for the rest of my life. (Sometimes I question what drove me to be an English Teacher). But, it's a great experience to go to school. I highly recommend it. Plus you might meet a cute boy like this..

A cute boy who is totally supportive of my education and helped me through it. See, school is worth it just for that. But, really the whole process was great. And it was lovely to have a graduation ceremony to seal the deal. My parents made the trek up for the event and my in-laws were there as well.

 Fun, yes? I think so. I felt very spoiled and loved almost every second of it. The next step is to get a great job and start making my millions as an English teacher. Wish me luck!

Can't wait.

I can't wait to see these two lovely people in twelve days.  
Just twelve days.
Craziness. 

A fun date night.

So Brandon and I struggle with planning fun different dates. It's hard! I mean when you can't do anything outside without being completely miserable and when your apartment isn't exactly party central, it's a struggle. I volunteered to plan last Saturday nights date. I had been thinking about it forever. I had been googling, I had been researching, and I was stressing. My idea consisted of going to the Museum of Idaho (which has a dinosaur exhibit now) then eat dinosaur chicken nuggets and watch Jurassic Park. First, I don't like dinosaur chicken nuggets and Jurassic Park is considered a scary movie in my book. Are you seeing my predicament?

So. I called Brandon Saturday around one and said, maybe we should go to Chiptole today? Now, for those of you who don't know Chiptole is one of my favorite places ever. I love it. It's like burrito heaven. But Idaho does not have one. The closest one is a little north of Salt Lake.

Well, Brandon came home. We packed our bags. Then we made the three hour journey to Salt Lake.

Now, we did more than just eat at glorious Chiptole. We spent some quality time with my brother, his wife and their little girl. We also walked around temple square. And we saw Meagan, Brandon's sister.

And all in all, it was a lovely date night.