It’s 2:18 in the afternoon and I just barely got around to brushing my teeth for the day. My kitchen is littered with the things I used to make myself lunch, because having to make myself lunch and clean it up just felt like too much. The screen saver for our Roku is playing, reminding me that I’ve probably watched too many episodes of Friends today, but hey, I’ve never seen the series, and I just don’t know if Ross and Rachel will ever get together. I mean, they just have to, don’t they?! But, I feel like this post is a long time coming, so it’s about time I get it out for the world wide web to read (or like all the people who are mindlessly scrolling on their social media feeds avoiding real life, and see this, and go oh, that’ll take up a good solid 5 minutes, let’s read that. Thank you social media scrollers.)
I have entered three months of motherhood and wow. These last three months have been the longest and shortest months of my life. My days seem to take forever, but in a blink of an eye a week is gone. And I am going to try to write several posts about the feelings I’ve had and some of the things I am learning, but let’s start with a nice lighthearted topic: The things that are no longer okay now that I have a child.
1. Slow drivers. All you slow drivers out there, do you not realize that I have a screaming baby in the car and he needs to get home RIGHT NOW. Like, can you at least go the speed limit. Wanna trade cars? If we did, I am sure you’d understand.
2. Fast drivers. Chillax homies. Stop the tailgating. My baby just fell asleep, so I am going to milk this quiet time for as long as I can. You got a place to be? Practice patience, it’ll do you some good.
3. Other screaming babies when I don’t have my baby. Listen yo. I’ve got one of those at home, I don’t need to hear yours. It’s my “me” time, and your child is making me feel guilty for getting out, and let’s be honest, only my baby has a cute cry, not yours.
4. Judgmental people while my baby is screaming. He’s a baby folks! He cries. But listen, I had to get out of the house for my own sanity, and we need groceries because we need to eat. There are like 37 aisles in this store, go pick another one where my adorable little crying bundle of joy can’t be heard. Much thanks.
5. Childless people who flaunt their childlessness. I was just there, and I feel really guilty saying this, but man, can you just keep your incredible adventures to yourself? You just decided to pack up for the weekend and explore some unchartered territory all while posting these amazing pictures with the best captions ever, gee thanks for reminding me that my neighborhood walks are pretty much the boring-est.
6. Families that should be on magazine covers. I get it, you guys have kids and ARE still cool. That’s pretty much the most unfair thing ever. You pick one. Kids and uncool or no kids and cool-make the choice and stick with it.
7. The people in-between the above categories. I am sure there are things that are no longer okay about you too. Just give me some time to think about it.
But for real, if Katy Perry’s song "Hot and Cold" wasn’t about a bad relationship, you might think it’s about me. And here’s the thing, I was that person who would read blog posts complaining about kids and think, “well at least you have a baby, stop whining about it and yada yada yada…”Oh Cami. And I'm not whining about it now. Promise. I am just starting to see another side of things that maybe I didn't quite see before.
So, the first lesson that has become even more glaringly apparent in my new months of motherhood is: you have no idea what anyone else is going through, so don’t hop to any really judgmental conclusions (like I typically do). I feel this the most in the car while I am either tailgating or being tailgated. Or, when I see an adoracute post of a childless couple that makes me feel guilty for having a cute baby, because maybe they want one and can't, or it makes me feel guilty for sometimes missing the life I was living before my cute baby arrived. Which brings me to my second lesson, enjoy what you have. Right. Now. Find joy in what is going on this very second of your life, because I guaran-dang-tee there’s some joy to be had. In honor of finishing The Office (I know, I am pretty impressive these days, finishing TV series and everything is hard work) I changed out my board to one of my favorite quotes from the season finale.
I sometimes get stuck in that "good old day" setting, but for reals, every single day will become a good old day, and I want to so bad remember that in the exact moment, so they're not "good old days" but instead "good days"-heck maybe even great days.
I feel sad it has taken little Henry to help me to better see these things, but I am so glad he's here to teach me, because you gotta learn them somehow. So here’s to hoping you can learn these from me now, instead of going through your own growth spurt of sorts. Until next week! (Assuming I'll post again next Tuesday, which is the plan, but let's be real, that probably won't happen;)).