You know you're a novice camper when...

1. You decide to go camping that very same day and set out driving with the idea that yes, you will find a spot, and it will be B-E-A-U-TIFUL, and cheap, and wonderful, and everything a camping sport should be, on the very first weekend of the summer. (The expectations of camping gives me a good chuckle every now and then.)

2. You bring two full size twin air mattresses and fill them up using the inverter in your car.

3. The only entertainment you can find is gathering up pine needles for a fire and then taking pictures of the said person gathering pine needles.

4. You buy a tarp for your tent that is positively too small.

5. You forget that you're in the mountains, and it's May, and that is it still FREEZING at night.
6. You also forget gloves, a warm hat, and a personal size heater that can keep you warm at night. And realize that once away from the fire, you are screwed.

7. You forget that animals, such as coyotes, do live in the wild. And yes, they do howl, and it starts at 2 in the AM and ends at sunrise.
8. You forget that tents don't have blinds, so when it becomes light at 5 in the AM, you wake up. And you realize you are still freezing.
9. At the 5 AM wake up call, you throw everything back in your car. EVERYTHING. You skip the sleeping bag roll-up, the air mattress roll-up, and they go in as is.
10. You make breakfast because you feel like you should, using the pans from your fully furnished apartment, that are not yours, because hey, you don't really care what happens to them. But, in the end the eggs and bacon are pretty inedible.

11. You drive away at 8 in the AM, when at the same time the lady in the trailer next to you ambles out looking all warm and cozy with a cup of something hot and calls out, "stay longer next time!" And you say yes, but there is NO way there is going to be a next time.

And that's what a novice camper does. And although at the time it seemed pretty wretched, looking back, it brings a nice laugh. Have a fun weekend!